If someone you know hasn’t seemed like themselves lately, knowing what to look for and when to check in can help you decide what to do next.
It can be easy to notice a difference, but harder to know what it means or what you should do.
In this article:
Signs Someone May Be Struggling With Their Mental Health
These changes don’t diagnose a mental health condition. They are changes you may notice in someone you know that can give you a reason to check in.
Signs Someone Might Be Struggling
Changes in behavior can often be subtle. Click on any item below to read more.
Their messages have changed
Someone who normally sends proper replies, voice notes or jokes starts answering with “yeah”, “fine” or a reaction. They may also leave messages unanswered far longer than they normally would.
They keep cancelling plans
One cancelled dinner isn't unusual. Repeated last-minute cancellations, vague “maybes” or regularly avoiding plans they previously enjoyed can be more noticeable.
They’ve become harder to reach
They stop answering calls, disappear from group chats or go unusually quiet with people they normally speak to regularly.
They don’t initiate anything anymore
They used to call, make plans or get excited about upcoming events, but now you’re usually the one making contact or suggesting things to do.
Small things get a much bigger reaction
Minor setbacks or disagreements suddenly lead to anger, frustration or becoming overwhelmed. Mental health struggles don't always present as sadness.
Work, study or everyday tasks are slipping
Missed deadlines, forgotten appointments, repeated sick days or unopened bills can stand out when someone previously kept on top of these things.
Their sleep has noticeably changed
They’re regularly awake in the early hours, sleeping through much of the day or constantly exhausted. What matters here is a persistent change from their usual sleep pattern.
Their drinking or substance use has changed
They’re drinking more frequently, drinking alone more often or increasingly relying on alcohol or other substances to sleep, relax or get through difficult days.
They stop doing things that normally matter to them
Training, cooking, hobbies, seeing friends, keeping their home organised or other routines suddenly fall away. The activity itself matters less than the change.
There isn't one obvious sign
Sometimes it is several smaller things. They seem quieter, leave social events earlier, reply differently or appear distracted. You know the person, so a collection of changes can stand out even when none seems significant alone.
A Rough Week or a Pattern?
Everyone has bad weeks. Instead of focusing on one behaviour, think about what has changed, how long it has lasted and whether you are noticing it in several parts of their life.
Cancelling one night out tells you very little. Cancelling most plans for several weeks while becoming difficult to reach and less enthusiastic gives you more reason to check in.
You don’t need to decide what is wrong before you ask how they are going.
When and How to Check In
You don’t need the perfect words, but the timing and setting can make a big difference.
- When: Choose a time when neither of you is rushing, distracted or already upset. If they’re having a bad moment, give things time to settle unless you’re concerned about their immediate safety.
- Where: Keep it private. Raising concerns around friends, family or colleagues can leave someone feeling embarrassed, exposed or defensive.
- How: Keep the opening simple and make it about them, not your conclusions. If you mention a change you’ve noticed, avoid listing everything they’ve been doing differently or making it sound like they’re being watched.
- Give them room: They may talk straight away, give you very little or not want to discuss it at all. Listen to the answer you get rather than pushing for the answer you expected.
R U OK? Day puts a national spotlight on checking in, but the idea applies year-round. Their guidance on asking R U OK? has further practical advice on asking, listening and following up.
🎬 Five Ways to Support Someone Who Is Struggling
Starting the conversation is only part of it. This short BBC Ideas video looks at what you can do after someone opens up, including listening, staying connected and offering practical support.
If They Say They’re Fine or Don’t Want Help
Checking in can go in several directions. How you respond next should depend on how the person reacts.
How to Respond in the Moment
Hover or tap on any card to reveal how to handle different reactions.
They open up
Tap to flip ➔They open up
Let them talk before moving into solutions. Ask what would be helpful from you right now. They may want advice, practical help or simply someone to listen.
They shut down
Tap to flip ➔They shut down
Don't keep asking questions to get them talking. Let them know you’re available if they want to come back to it, then give them some space.
They avoid the question
Tap to flip ➔They avoid the question
They might joke, change the subject or insist everything is fine. You can briefly explain why you checked in, then leave the door open rather than pushing for a different answer.
They become upset
Tap to flip ➔They become upset
Don't assume becoming emotional means the conversation was a mistake. Slow things down, listen and let them decide how much they want to share.
They get angry
Tap to flip ➔They get angry
Avoid arguing about whether something is wrong. If the conversation is escalating, stop and give them space. You can check in again at another time.
They accuse you of interfering
Tap to flip ➔They accuse you of interfering
Don't defend yourself with a list of everything you've noticed. Keep your response simple: you care about them and wanted to check in. Respect the boundary they've set unless you're concerned about their immediate safety.
When to Encourage Professional Mental Health Support
If the changes are continuing, affecting everyday life or the person tells you they’re struggling to cope, encourage them to seek professional support.
A GP can discuss what has been happening, assess their mental health and recommend appropriate next steps.
MGPC provides mental health support, and our guide to GP mental health support explains more about what that can involve.
Beyond Blue also provides further guidance on supporting someone with their mental health
If someone talks about self-harm or being unable to stay safe, seek urgent help. Call 000 if there is immediate danger, or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
What to Do Next
If you’ve noticed an ongoing change, check in. It can really make a difference in someone’s life.
Mention what you’ve noticed, give them room to respond and don’t force the conversation if they aren’t ready.
Stay in contact, and if they continue to struggle, encourage professional support.
